wierd news

please don't lose your shit

Joanna Wietrzyk

Australian athlete Joanna Wietrzyk won a Hyrox fitness competition in Beijing. She also finished the race with shit running down her legs while using shared equipment. Hyrox let her finish and awarded her the win before apparently realizing they had no actual rule for this particular scenario. They cleaned everything afterward, added new protocols, and Wietrzyk later withdrew her victory.

kids these days

The Cat in the Hat has apparently become a terrorist scarecrow. AI memes and videos of people in Cat costumes lurking around schools and houses have been circulating online, complete with threats naming supposed targets. Several students in the U.S. have been charged over related hoaxes, while schools in several states issued warnings. In British Columbia, somebody apparently took the joke offline and chased a teenage girl while wearing the costume.

gas station

A Georgia second-grade teacher installed a literal fart corner in her classroom. She calls it the “gas station,” complete with a yellow GUSTY WINDS AREA sign. Kids don't have to ask permission—they just go fuel up and return to class. Apparently everyone got used to it pretty quickly. Civilization survives another day.

don't do the doo doo

A Kansas City man went looking for a bottle of Mountain Dew and somehow ended up trapped inside the tank of a portable toilet. For eight hours. With the lid closed. A portable restroom driver eventually discovered him while collecting toilets from a World Cup watch party. Police unlocked the door, but the man was still wedged inside the tank, requiring firefighters to cut him out and then hose him down. Somewhere along the way, Mountain Dew became the least interesting part of the story.

dirtybomb at 🕷 man screening

Hundreds of moviegoers in Cartagena, Colombia, reportedly fled a screening of Spider-Man: Brand New Day after someone unleashed a fart so catastrophic that the entire theater had to evacuate. The smell was apparently bad enough that some people suspected a stink bomb. Nobody confessed, naturally, and plenty of people left before finding out how the movie ended.