recently, I found myself strutting along in my local Home Depot, wandering about in search of: a lamp for my home office. consider this a master class in chasing ass huhuhhuhu jk, in reality ass chasing me if you want to be technical. relax and chill y'allz so uptight + supa serious. can cut that in half with a butterknife.
but I happened to mosey on over to the kitchen area and was warmly greeted (beside the latest in fridges + modern appliances, kitchen windows + such) by a titillating rack of...titties. oh dear, oh my... so after the spell wore off, which wasn't that soon, I looked up to see a sheepishly grinning 🔥 (by Chicago standards, easily a 9 or 10) white chick leering at me like she was quite accustomed with the effect she had. I simply asked her 'hey gorgeous can I see one of these bad boys in action?' and her grin became a Colgate smile real quick, her hair flowing in the wind, and her teeth went *DING!*. she was giving off that 'we must procreate to repopulate planet earth from the zombie apocalypse' sensation. but for reals just told me 'I liked the way you said that'. and I had an epiphany right then and there, in the damned kitchen section of Home Depot of how wondrously insane women truly are. you could be getting all pimped out, cut your nails + trim the nose hairs, do the bod work in Planet Fitness (ladies, I have a black membership huhuhuh) and be able to afford a classy MICHELIN ☆ star restaurant (apparently they don't just make car tires anymore) but a legit hunniebunnie 🐇 will always hyper fixate on some trivial, mundane granular detail that defies all logic, sanity and common sense. I mean to my fellow classy gentleman, a 🔥 chick who could be (and should be) working at Hooters is wanting that sexytime + staring at me like I was fresh meat because of my bantering. I mean I know I'm a poet, but I was talking like I was Vince Vaughn and she was all into my shit. so my 🧠 (both of them) were equally frozen stiff as I was stuck in a moment I couldn't get out of, like I was in a temporal stasis of the soul here. say something and stop drooling you damned idiot! my innards were detonating, like an explosion of emotion 💥(emotions, so real!). I simply handed her my phone and she smartly pointed it at my face to unlock it, entered her digits and signed it 'hot girl from Home Depot' and took a pic of her lovely twins. this chick is cray cray. well, sometimes, rarely, like hitting the photon torpedo's in the anal port of a intergalactic battle station do you win with less effort. that's some art of war crap right there! and this is also to say sometimes you don't always have to date a specific breed of hunnie. some will gravitate towards you and just might be representing some other 🧬you're unaccustomed to, but heyyyyyyy s'all gravy. in the city there's a veritable bootay buffet if you know where, how, and when to look and when not to waste your time.
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